Burying Dead Church Members

A funeral for dead church members was held last Sunday in a local church in Louisville. At which time the preacher, the John Doe Smith, placed the names of fifty inactive church members in a small artificial casket. In announcing his novel theme, this alert young man (no seasoned preacher would have dared) stated that “when one ceases to function in the church, he is dead, and it is time for his funeral.” This is nothing more or less than plain truth, no matter how much some church members may dislike it.

The workers in a beehive sting the drones to death and get rid of these lazy parasites. But drones in a congre­gation may refuse to work or neglect to pay and still sit in the “amen” corner and get credit for being veritable pillars of the church.

As for the carping critics who talk their heads off telling the world what is wrong with the elders, the deacons, and the preacher and the whole church, it is very seldom that these worthies are either able or willing to offer a constructive suggestion. The “holding back strap” of horse and buggy days was a necessary part of the harness, but it was the traces and the collar that carried the load. The more church members there are in a congregation who are pulling, the faster that church will move toward the kingdom of heaven. It can pull a much heavier load.

Here is the list of “dead ones as announced by Jackson’s the young preacher. As you read it, spend more time in asking whether any of the names fit you than in seeking to tag some other fellow:

The names of those read to the congregation were:

John Backslider,

Anna Lukewarm,

Margaret Indecision,

Alma Gossiper,

Jim Knocker,

Edith Never Help,

John I. Dolittle,

Henry Never Pay,

Frank Lazy,

Harry It Can't Be Done,

Lizza Sunday Headache,

Judas Iscariot, who sold the church for gain,

Tom I-Know-It-All,

Rachel Joy Killer,

Carl Changeable,

Maude I-Can't,

George Sleep Late,

Fritz Some Day,

Mrs. I. Am Wise,

Cliff Selfishness,

Freddy Sensuality,

Arthur Appetite,

Mary Hatred,

Homer Temper,

Stella Impatience,

Rob­ert I-Am-Busy,

The Critical Family of six who are:

Harry, who thinks the preacher preaches too long;

Jane, who thinks the elders should call oftener;

Ike, who thinks the church has too many calls for missionary help;

Callie, who doesn't like the singing; and

Gabby, who thinks there are hypocrites among the deacons and preachers of the church. — Selected (adapted).



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